House Sitting
by Suncesco
Summary: House is freshly out of Mayfield and doesn't have anything to do when Wilson leaves for the day. Or does he?
1. 1 Dammit Wilson!

Here goes my first House fic. The chapters will be short, and I apologize. I also apologize for any typos that may occur. Unfortunately, I own nothing.

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"Bye House! I'll be back at one."

The door closed. How wonderful. Another day alone for the brilliant yet unemployed drug addict. I wonder what Cuddy would do if I went to the hospital and pretend to be a psych patient. I could tell everyone that she had drugged and forced to watch her pole dance. No… I think I've used that one before. I could buy an iguana to bug Wilson. Or I could take a picture of him to the gym and make everyone think we're gay.

I could eat all of the food in the house. Or at least leave it out to rot. I could put the milk and other dairy products in the door of the refrigerator, replace all of the toilet paper with empty rolls, dirty all the dishes and just leave them there, hide porn in Wilson's room and set him up on a blind date with a dud. But that requires standing. And my leg… Not worth it. I'll watch some TV and concoct a more complicated plan.

Oranges. I crave oranges. Why? I hate oranges. I wonder if the neighbors are home. They could listen to me test out my new amp. I feel the need to bother Taub about his abnormally large nose and short stature. I'm having all sorts of weird cravings today. Oh my gosh. I'm pregnant! I have to call Wilson!

Ok, I really do feel the need to do something today. Something that will shock people. Shall I go to the store and buy twenty pregnancy tests? Buy ladybugs at the nursery and let them loose in Wilson's room? I could always go back to the iguana idea… I miss Steve McQueen. Actually, that doesn't sound half bad. I'll just pop on the internet and do some quick research.

Ok, iguanas… Print checklist… Done. Cage, food… Other boring stuff. I'll just grab Wilson's credit card and car keys and I'm off. Oh wait. Wilson has the car. Dammit!


	2. Roller Coasters?

Ok, here goes chapter two. Sorry it took me so long, with school ending I felt guilty every time I tried to write because I should have been studying or something. Oh, and in the last chapter, where it said "…and set him up on a blind date with a dud." it should have said set him up on a blind date with a dude. Yeah. Sorry…

Oh my god. My head. I feel like I have a really bad hangover. That must be what it is. I can't remember where I am, though. Or what happened before I passed out. Maybe if I open my eyes… Ah! The light! That was a mistake. Wait. Am I in a car?

"House?" I choked out, barely opening my eyes to avoid frying my corneas.

"I'm glad you woke up. I was starting to think I gave you too much," came a voice to my left.

"Too much what? Where are we?"

"Oh, you know. A little of this, a little of that. We're on our way to Fantasy Island,"

"Fantasy Island? You drugged me so I'd ride roller coasters with you?"

"I got bored, you had the car, and they kept advertising it on TV while I was watching Lindesay Lohan on E! News. I wanted to go, but it would be weird if I went alone, so I brought you!" he replied nonchalantly.

"You could have asked me," I said, opening my eyes a little further. "What day is it?"

"Wednesday. I checked your schedule; you're free. Well, you are now,"

"What do you mean? I was supposed to do a follow-up with Mr. Bartlett today!"

"I took care of it. Look, we're here,"

"Great," I replied, my eyes almost used to the light.

"What would you think if I got an iguana?"

"Well," I contemplated it for a moment, "You couldn't even handle watching Hector for me when I had him, so I would think it was a bad idea."

"But I hated Hector. I don't like dogs. I took care of Steve McQueen and Death Cat, didn't I?" He looked at me with his eyes opened wide, doing that annoying little face he does when he's being sarcastic and irritating. "I'll take good care of him, Mommy, I swear! I'll feed him and bathe him and take him for walks!"

"Maybe. I still have to think about it," I replied in exasperation. I really was like his mom, and House was my overgrown six year old.

"Thank you! You're the best mommy in the world! I'm going to name him Kurt Cobain."

"Fine,"

I opened the door and got out. The parking lot was mostly empty, probably because it was a Wednesday morning and all the normal, responsible people in the world were at their jobs. I should probably call someone at the hospital to make sure my patients really were taken care of for the day.

"House, where's my phone?" I glared at him. "How many people do you think I'll be calling when I'm passed out in the passenger seat of my own car?"

"I have it, don't worry. If anyone important calls, I can… They can leave a message," he replied, not making eye contact. "C'mon, let's just eat corndogs and puke our guts out on the roller coasters."

"House… What if something goes wrong with a patient? I have someone going into surgery today. I let you have your phone when I took you to your dad's funeral."

"Lies! You gave it to me when I had a call from the team. I'll do the same for you,"

"But I don't have a team."

"Exactly,"

It was no use. I'd have to steal it back. If anything bad happened, I was going to kill him.

We walked through the blue and red plaster arch that led to the ticket booth. It appeared to be empty except for a bored looking teenager chewing gum and playing a small handheld video game.

"Two adults," said House, limping up to the window.

The boy slowly looked up, mouth gaping open like a fish out of water. "Uh… ok. Twenty eight bucks,"

House looked at me expectantly. "Well?"

I sighed, then reached into my pocket. My wallet was still there. I pulled it out and fished out thirty dollars, then handed it over.

"Enjoy," the boy said as he handed me my change, giving us a mocking glance before he returned to his game.

As we entered the amusement park, House said, "I'm pretty sure that kid thought we were gay. Let's hold hands and see what he does,"

"House," I replied, exasperated. "Let's just ride the damn roller coasters and get this over with."


End file.
